u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
