"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
