it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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