I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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