Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
