Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
