Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie