haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dignity is for republicans.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store