how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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