As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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