Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize