i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
