They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
