Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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