True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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