...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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