My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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