just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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