Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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