Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
