I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
