hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
