no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
