I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
