I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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