i love accidental penises.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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