remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
