I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
