just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
