There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
