walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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