he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
