just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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