i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize