I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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