so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
