haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
