Your face is a jimmy john
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
