True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
