after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
