My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
