you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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