Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
is it fun? or sober?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
