Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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