I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The power of my boobs compel you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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