K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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