I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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