i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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