I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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