i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize