i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
