a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
