The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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