meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
