im about as happy as oj after his trial
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
