Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
