His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
