I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
