the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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