I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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