On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
