I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
