Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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