From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
